Monday, November 27, 2006

Remember It Hurts

How much more joy can one life stand? How much more passion, excitement and meaning can I cram into my already brimful life? How many more times can I sit back and let the pleasure, the euphoria, the positive energy just wash over me? How much more happiness, truly, can I take?

The thing with exercises like these is that they have to be followed to the letter. To the absolute letter. Just a small veer from the path, just a tiny detour from the plan, will result in instant failure. Not delayed failure, instant failure. There and then failure. Think about that for a minute. Chew on that for a second while I whistle into my thumbs.

I despise lettuce juice and could just throw up at the mere sight of radish paste. But if life has taught me anything it’s that you have to learn not to trust your senses. That is, your traditional, conservative, capitalistic senses: the so-called big five. You have to learn to fall back somewhat, to give up the old reliances and focus on the new. The new you. The new you that hides somewhere within. But first you must locate, and learn how to use, your vectis. Without your vectis, your journey past those big five senses will be a tiresome journey indeed.

Action is the ingredient. Knowledge is the fuel. It’s time to put your foot down and go!

The love/hate balance is, of course, something that few, if any, of us, could ever hope to control. In fact, it has been said, as I’m sure most of you know, that this state of love/hate achievement has been attained by only the very few. And it has been written, throughout time and through the dustiest pages, that only a certain elite, a certain few, have ever conquered, or mastered, the ancient arts of the love/hate balance.

Who, in the Energiser versus Drainer showdown, will you be rooting for? Whose side, missy, will you be on? You can become a Drainer and drain the living shit from out of your friends, family and acquaintances until they’re nothing but dry, empty husks who neither know nor care. Or you can, conversely, be one of life’s Energisers and fill your friends, family and acquaintances with the very stuff of life and even re-energise, re-life, some of those dry, empty husks back to life. That’s right, back to life. So what will it be, missy? What will be your choice?

Curb entropy! Plug that open hole!

The road to empowerment is a crossroad meander that will lead you by various paths and nooks until you will at last find not just empowerment but also contentment, satisfaction, self-love, self-esteem and real, genuine empowerment all in one neat little package that can be bundled up, held in your heart and carried just about anywhere you go to light the way, to strengthen your resolve, to kick-start your life and to give you a real, genuine sense of empowerment and achievement that will enable you, in time, to become the person I truly believe, and you truly believe, you truly are.

Common side-effects that you, the Dynamic Mind, should be watchfully mindful of:
Pastoral angst.
Jealousy states.
Crater-faced crabbiness.

Faith-based meditation is a brand new enlightenment technique that allows the user (i.e. you) to participate in a new kind of religious experience that is designed purely to help you out of your old state of mind and into your new state of mind. It is as if God were, so to speak, your personal counsellor, offering best advice and real guidance that can equip you for the challenges you face in the modern world. It is your doorway to genuine spiritual enlightenment and, best of all, requires nothing more from you than the desire to hold fast to faith. Go on, you can do it. Anyone can do it.

Eating disorders are all too common among the middle-classes who take for granted the abundance that Western society has seen fit to pour upon their plates. This abuse of abundance tends to go either one way or the other: towards either a state of fatness or thin-ness, depending on which way the particular disordered mind is (at)tuned. Accompanying this appalling, self-imposed, self-aggrandising state is often the self-pitying whine of a mind that is also crying out for the attention it feels is its due – a mind that believes that being a bag of bones or, conversely, a bucket of lard is not enough to bestow upon the so-called ‘victim’ the all-important and highly prized victim status. Attempts to further encourage notice by way of self-harming rituals and endless fucking whittling on about absolutely nothing are all par for the course. It is enough, as this controversial yet totally empowering book makes clear, to make you puke.

Do you remember when you were small and your dreams were big? Not just your night dreams but your day dreams, your morning dreams, your afternoon dreams – all your dreams! And do you recall how you dared to dream? How your dreams were never too big, never too wild, never too impossible? Do you remember how, in those long gone days, your dreams seemed real, seemed touchable, seemed possible? You do? Then it’s time you dared to dream again!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heartbreakingly harsh and brutal. Tears.

7:33 PM  
Blogger Shannon Forbush said...

Oh, I took this as all the self-help mantras rolled into one parody piece. The lettuce juice and radish paste conjuring horrors of my own attempt at the 'miraculous' cabbage diet, the instant failure of those Kaballah-like cults. The snippets from the 'Dynamic Mind' piece - there's a story in that itself! Only you forgot the solve-everything stones and crystals!

5:35 PM  

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