Saturday, May 13, 2006

Not Solved By The Standard Model

By the time the universe ends we will have mastered time travel. We can go back in time and start all over again.

As a dedicated fantasist it is my intention to continue living my life through an endless procession of imagined other lives. One minute I’ll be a tick-tock, the next a clip-clop. When the wind blows, I’ll turn with it.

By the time the universe goes through its crimson expansion we will have climbed down from the trees. The low-hanging fruit should be enough to sustain us.

As a Corporate Responsibility Merchant it is my responsibility to take care of the corporate side of the business. Masks, balaclavas, costumes, celebrity get ups, face paints, face lifts and acid helmets are all part of my armoury of disguise. Your life in my hands.

By the time the universe turns on its lights we will have been in the dark for two million years. Our new brightness could well be our salvation.

As a council-employed snow catcher I have to know how to dodge the flakes of frozen urine. Mostly it is a case of avoiding the yellow ones. But occasionally my teeth ache from the slosh of chilly piss.

By the time the universe deals with its villains we will have been at the mercy of a seemingly endless parade of galaxy trotting tyrants. The freedoms we embrace will be the freedoms worth embracing.

As a fine-tuned commentator on the fripperies and fopperies of modern-day celebrity, I have to know my Zachary from my Albright. Lucky for me then that I have a photographic memory and an encyclopaedic knowledge of Excel. I can turn it on and turn it off.

By the time the universe ends we will have mastered time travel. We can go back in time and start all over again.

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